Learning from Covid
I had covid in late May, it was a relatively mild case, but the messages I heard from my spirit were loud and clear. Delivered with a sense of finality, minus the subtlety and nuance that usually comes with spiritual insight.
Accept your limitations
“You cannot return to the pace at which you were living” were the exact words. I had been working and living myself into a state of near delirium every day. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted. There were many days that I was so tired I was crying on the inside. I was aware that I wanted to use drugs, but I was too tired. I had slipped into patterns of choices and behavior that were based on fear, scarcity and urgency, ignoring that my body and spirit were telling me to slow down and rest. I was living in denial of my limitations and spinning my wheels. “ Limitation is the first law of manifestation, therefore it is the first law of power” Dion Fortune. In the absence of limitation, I was having the opposite effect of my intention. Manifesting emptiness and denying my own power.
Covid forced me into stillness, I have never experienced the kind of fatigue that came with the virus. It was almost as if I could sense the virus destroying my mitochondria. The enforced stillness eradicated the thought patterns of seeking ways to fix, manage and control every aspect of my life. The quietness that came into my mind was a welcome respite.
Listen to your body
This seemed and seems so obvious! As a somatic psychology practitioner who often works body to mind, listening to my body should be second nature by now, right? I was not listening, I was pushing my body beyond the limits of love and kindness, knowing that it would obey. I have a physical constitution that has an incredible amount of endurance and resilience. Much like my entire consciousness, my body will normally carry on until exhaustion or an outside force stops me. “Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should” are words to live by for this person who not only possess endurance but also has a propensity for impulsiveness. Covid was an outside force that came into my body and affected the landscape of my mind in a profound way. My mind became still, I had a feeling in my mind of someone sweeping their arm across a desk or table and wiping it clean. The stillness in my body was not painful and I did not feel that Covid was even trying to hurt me, let alone kill me. Similarly the stillness I felt in my mind was welcome. My mind was very clear and quiet, a state I have only found previously through various meditation practices. This clarity of mind is what allowed these important messages to come through.
Life is short
Even though I had a mild case, I still felt a brush with death type feeling. I regularly cultivate gratitude for being alive, for living through attempted murder, attempted suicide and an addiction that nearly took my life more than once. However, the mental and emotional sensation that covid gave me, was a palpable, visceral feeling of death brushing past me, as if I could feel the whispy cloak brushing against my skin. I was struck with a deeper knowing of both the preciousness and fleetingness of this life. The result of that was a call to live in and serve Love over all else. Living and Serving loves means:
Cherishing every moment with the people I love
It can be so easy to get swept up in the busyness and temptation to mulit-task that comes with our modern, consumption driven culture. Covid reminded me to hold the moments with the people I love in the highest regard, demonstrating my devotion to love and gratitude for the opportunity to live by being fully present for those precious moments.
Leaning into my purpose with love, no holding back
The awareness of the shortness of this life, brings an inspiration to make the most of it. Covid showed me that fulfilling my purpose and completing my mission is THE REASON for this life. My gratitude for this life is expressed by using my natural gifts to their fullest potential.
Showering myself with love and kindness
Serving Love, Kindness, and Generosity as the highest powers in my life includes treating myself with the same tenderness that I offer others. Honoring my boundaries, my heart, and my desires has taken a long time to learn and continues to be a journey of discovery. Covid illuminated the reality that my desire to provide a loving space for others to embrace their power and divine nature must also include myself.
Mother, friend, servant, mystic, yogi. Navigating this rocky, beautiful life with an open, grounded heart.